I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
