So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
