I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
