he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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