After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Congratulations! We have a period
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
