Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
