it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
