I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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