i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
