why didn't you poke me back
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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