I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize