My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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