so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
