i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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