she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He shit in the fireplace
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
