He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
