my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
