you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
