I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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