i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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