would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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