I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's the barista slut.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
