My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
