Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
