Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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