You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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