I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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