I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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