ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize