Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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