in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
