mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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