She is in my trunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
