She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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