sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
