I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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