two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
