i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
