Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Houston, we have a blender
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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