if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can text with my tongue
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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