So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
