I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize