Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
