that's an acceptable place to lick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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