At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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