physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Say something about gay babies.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize