i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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