I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
