You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
