all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
