Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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