there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
