remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
