then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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