We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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