is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
