Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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