I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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