I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize