question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
