Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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