It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
