I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
