Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
