Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize