I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
