Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
