So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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