It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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