I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
