You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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