I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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